Friday, February 25, 2011

Teach Me To Breathe Again

As we leave Saint Petersburg...

I close my eyes and instantly my body is pulled into a world that isn’t quite real, but at least I’m aware of it. Everything feels heavy, but at least in this world I can feel my mouth take in the air and swallow it down to my lungs. I tell my eyes to open, to be aware of the earth below me, to take in the beautiful European countryside, but there’s no reaction.  My body gives in to the darkness and my mind finds peace in the chance to relive a few moments of utopia. 

My body is shaken, and I know that I am supposed to wake up.  I resist it.  My eyes squeeze shut and try to find the music again.  It’s gone now. I open my eyes for just a second, and just as quickly as I allow myself back into the real world, my lungs close. There is no air.  There is no music.  I fight to control the crushing that is beginning to take away my breath.  I choke once and the tears fall from eyes in streams as steady as a spring river.  There is no chance of stopping it.  I grab for my pillow and hold it to my face as I stare out the window, crying endlessly.   
I can’t control this heartache; I must return to the music and allow my eyes to give in to the weight that pulls them closed.  At least here, I can breathe.... 

2 comments:

  1. oohhh Shannon - I am praying for you. Praying that you feel God's presence and peace abundantly and through unexpected ways. Big Hugs! :)

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  2. You want to know what is great??? As soon as I posted this, it took just minutes before my heart began to heal. It was so clear to me, that every person that read it, lifted us up in prayer and God began to put the pieces back in place one at a time!!! I love how He works!!!

    Big hugs right back to you!!!

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