If you are in a hurry, the worst thing you can do is ask me a question about my family and what our lives have been like this past year after adopting Samantha. I don’t know why I loose my manners so quickly, but I do. Every time.
I thought the best way to summarize our YEAR ANNIVERSARY would be to highlight 10 of my favorite memories. Keep in mind… they could change tomorrow.
10. Watching miracles happen.
Trusting God through the adoption process was incredible. Every time I needed a miracle, He showed up. For our first trip, we were to leave on Saturday morning, way before the sun wakes up. Only problem was that our passports hadn’t returned with our Visas from Russia. Without them, we couldn’t go see that child I was dreaming of. At the last second, on Friday afternoon at 4:50pm, the UPS man slams on his breaks in front of our house. I cried and told him he was my hero. He ran all the way back to his truck. When I only had $1500 of the required $5000 to travel over to Russia for court, I got a phone call from a friend saying they had a check for $3500 with my name on it. I ran that check straight to the agency and booked my flights!
It was like this throughout the entire process. When I needed a miracle, God showed up and showered us with His blessings. Every. Single. Time.
9. Dealing with silly nicknames. On the plane I was “Chicken,” Chad was “Gorilla” and Sam was “Lizard.”When she wants something, I hear “Beautiful mommy.”
If she has too much energy, she speaks with an English accent and says, “Mama.” Right around 3:30 every day, she lovingly announces it time to get “The Monsters” from school.
And if I mention the things she calls her father, I’ll pay for a very long time…
8. Boundaries.It makes me laugh to even see that word in writing. Honestly though, for a person that is used to making decisions based on survival, the word provides security.
7. Balancing a social calendar.
In today’s society that trains children to depend on Facebook to define their friendships, I stand firm in believing that actual social interactions are the true foundation that friendship is built on. While she is allowed the internet from 8-9pm, she also has actual “homework” of setting up dates with friends and learning to manage her social life. When you come from an orphanage full of kids your age, you never have to think about sleepovers, catching a movie across town at a designated time, packing a bag the night before so that you can go straight from school to a friend’s house… or deciding between having enough cash to buy neon gloves for a dance or a Starbucks frap.
6. Homeschooling… while camping. I don’t know when in my life I became so stubborn, I’m guessing during my Terrible Twos. When I decide I am going to do something, there really isn’t too much room for discussion. Homeschooling for an hour a day was one of those things. We got home from Russia, I went to Barnes and Nobel the next day, and I returned with homeschooling books for grades K, 1, 2, and 3. I figured she’d understand one of them, and if we started simple, she would think it was easy and be willing to learn.
We started with Kindergarten and worked together for an hour a night… even while camping. There were nights she would growl at me, nights she would stare at the book like she expected it to start on fire, and nights when she crossed out words like “Chicken” and replaced it with “Mom” every time it appeared.
To prove that miracles still exists, we worked our way straight through 3rd grade by August... so we sent her off to 7th grade and watched her soar through her first year of straight A’s. Sadly, she can already do harder math than I her mom!
5. Parenting... a teenager.
If anyone ever tells you that adoption is easy, they are lying. It’s still being a parent. It’s still a child (or teenager) with a very unique personality… and a parent with a more defined one. I feel guilty when I admit that I know ours has been the easiest, most natural transition I’ve heard of, but I know the love and energy that it took us this first year, and that there is plenty of learning still to come.
One of the memories God hasn’t let me forget came from her 3rd night at home. As mentioned earlier, our children are allowed one hour of internet a day. That time is only at the kitchen table. Well, my little teenager thought she would try out those boundaries right away. She had ended her time early, which was unheard of. Slipped up to her room and went to bed. After tucking her in and settling back into reading, I could hear her typing up in her room.
I begged God to let me out of this one. She was still new. I still wanted her to like me. I didn’t quite know what to do. So I prayed harder. I wrote the words, “Always kiss her goodnight” at the top of that page in my bible and took an unsteady step up towards her room. My heart was racing as I took one stair at a time, stood at her door, then peeked in. Odd… she was sound asleep, under her covers! … except for the glow of the computer screen she quickly slapped closed and pushed deeper under the covers. I sat on the bed, lifted the covers, and laid out my hand. She looked so terrified.
We spoke two words at a time then, so I said, “Computer? Room? NO!” While 3000 words raced through my mind about the dangers of the internet, and how it was my job to protect this child while she was so unaware. She handed me the computer, I set it down, took her little cheeks in my hands and said, “I love you.” And kissed her face a dozen times to prove it. She smiled up at me and accepted her first punishment… no computer for 2 days.
4. Saying new words.
I thought the best way to summarize our YEAR ANNIVERSARY would be to highlight 10 of my favorite memories. Keep in mind… they could change tomorrow.
10. Watching miracles happen.
Trusting God through the adoption process was incredible. Every time I needed a miracle, He showed up. For our first trip, we were to leave on Saturday morning, way before the sun wakes up. Only problem was that our passports hadn’t returned with our Visas from Russia. Without them, we couldn’t go see that child I was dreaming of. At the last second, on Friday afternoon at 4:50pm, the UPS man slams on his breaks in front of our house. I cried and told him he was my hero. He ran all the way back to his truck. When I only had $1500 of the required $5000 to travel over to Russia for court, I got a phone call from a friend saying they had a check for $3500 with my name on it. I ran that check straight to the agency and booked my flights!
It was like this throughout the entire process. When I needed a miracle, God showed up and showered us with His blessings. Every. Single. Time.
9. Dealing with silly nicknames. On the plane I was “Chicken,” Chad was “Gorilla” and Sam was “Lizard.”When she wants something, I hear “Beautiful mommy.”
If she has too much energy, she speaks with an English accent and says, “Mama.” Right around 3:30 every day, she lovingly announces it time to get “The Monsters” from school.
And if I mention the things she calls her father, I’ll pay for a very long time…
8. Boundaries.It makes me laugh to even see that word in writing. Honestly though, for a person that is used to making decisions based on survival, the word provides security.
7. Balancing a social calendar.
6. Homeschooling… while camping. I don’t know when in my life I became so stubborn, I’m guessing during my Terrible Twos. When I decide I am going to do something, there really isn’t too much room for discussion. Homeschooling for an hour a day was one of those things. We got home from Russia, I went to Barnes and Nobel the next day, and I returned with homeschooling books for grades K, 1, 2, and 3. I figured she’d understand one of them, and if we started simple, she would think it was easy and be willing to learn.
We started with Kindergarten and worked together for an hour a night… even while camping. There were nights she would growl at me, nights she would stare at the book like she expected it to start on fire, and nights when she crossed out words like “Chicken” and replaced it with “Mom” every time it appeared.
To prove that miracles still exists, we worked our way straight through 3rd grade by August... so we sent her off to 7th grade and watched her soar through her first year of straight A’s. Sadly, she can already do harder math than I her mom!
5. Parenting... a teenager.
If anyone ever tells you that adoption is easy, they are lying. It’s still being a parent. It’s still a child (or teenager) with a very unique personality… and a parent with a more defined one. I feel guilty when I admit that I know ours has been the easiest, most natural transition I’ve heard of, but I know the love and energy that it took us this first year, and that there is plenty of learning still to come.
One of the memories God hasn’t let me forget came from her 3rd night at home. As mentioned earlier, our children are allowed one hour of internet a day. That time is only at the kitchen table. Well, my little teenager thought she would try out those boundaries right away. She had ended her time early, which was unheard of. Slipped up to her room and went to bed. After tucking her in and settling back into reading, I could hear her typing up in her room.
I begged God to let me out of this one. She was still new. I still wanted her to like me. I didn’t quite know what to do. So I prayed harder. I wrote the words, “Always kiss her goodnight” at the top of that page in my bible and took an unsteady step up towards her room. My heart was racing as I took one stair at a time, stood at her door, then peeked in. Odd… she was sound asleep, under her covers! … except for the glow of the computer screen she quickly slapped closed and pushed deeper under the covers. I sat on the bed, lifted the covers, and laid out my hand. She looked so terrified.
We spoke two words at a time then, so I said, “Computer? Room? NO!” While 3000 words raced through my mind about the dangers of the internet, and how it was my job to protect this child while she was so unaware. She handed me the computer, I set it down, took her little cheeks in my hands and said, “I love you.” And kissed her face a dozen times to prove it. She smiled up at me and accepted her first punishment… no computer for 2 days.
4. Saying new words.
In Russia, she told our coordinator that it might be awhile until she was ready to call us “mom and dad.” She explained that she hadn’t used those words in a very long time, and while it broke my heart to think that the mother-daughter relationship I had been hoping for might be off to a rocky start, I took a deep breath and acted like it meant nothing. By that point in our journey, I was learning (not mastering) the art of patience.
It took a grand total of 4 days, and one clear display of rules, until she not only spoke, but YELLED, “MOM!!” from across the small house. She said it with a laugh, but also a definite tone of certainty. I was Mom. And I cried.
It took a grand total of 4 days, and one clear display of rules, until she not only spoke, but YELLED, “MOM!!” from across the small house. She said it with a laugh, but also a definite tone of certainty. I was Mom. And I cried.
3. The moment at the airport. 
Sometimes, brothers are brothers and sisters are sisters. On those days when they are being really good at being siblings, all I have to do is take a look at the picture of us coming home from the airport and life is back in perspective. We went out to celebrate her 1st year last night, and we talked about our favorite things about each other, what's been easiest, what's been the hardest, our goals for the coming year. Also, I asked everyone in the family to describe what they were thinking right before we walked out from the International gate. The answers were priceless, and brought us all back to that moment very easily. There are no words for that moment.
2. Broken hearted conversations.
Maybe that sounds silly to confess to be one of my favorites of this past year, but when the snow falls just right, or the rain reminds her of an old memory, those have been the moments when she needed me to be mommy the most. I would do anything to know all that is flooding through her mind, but each day I continue to trust that God is revealing as much as I need to know for the moment.
Sometimes, brothers are brothers and sisters are sisters. On those days when they are being really good at being siblings, all I have to do is take a look at the picture of us coming home from the airport and life is back in perspective. We went out to celebrate her 1st year last night, and we talked about our favorite things about each other, what's been easiest, what's been the hardest, our goals for the coming year. Also, I asked everyone in the family to describe what they were thinking right before we walked out from the International gate. The answers were priceless, and brought us all back to that moment very easily. There are no words for that moment.
2. Broken hearted conversations.
Maybe that sounds silly to confess to be one of my favorites of this past year, but when the snow falls just right, or the rain reminds her of an old memory, those have been the moments when she needed me to be mommy the most. I would do anything to know all that is flooding through her mind, but each day I continue to trust that God is revealing as much as I need to know for the moment.
1. Being deeper in love every day. Adoption. Every child is different in a million ways. But if there is one thing I know to be true, it is that every child wants to be loved. With every ounce of my soul, I know I am the lucky one that gets to be part of three very sweet kids' stories... and yet... my mind doesn't rest knowing there are others waiting for their chance to be loved, to have a nickname, to learn boundaries, to have a really good brother or sister and to learn about the love of our God by experiencing it daily...
... to be continued...