"She Said Yes!"

On September 4^th I looked down at my phone to see that I had missed a message from Miss K.  I quickly called her back, pulling over my car because I knew, either way, this phone call was going to change our lives…

The orphans came to visit Colorado during the last week of July.  In mid-August, the director had all the host families over for dinner.  We talked about the children that we were all missing, and the wonderful week we had shared.  Then, when everyone else left, we turned to Mr R and asked him to explain the course of adoption.  By the end of the evening, we left his house with the promise that he would ask our child if she would like to be adopted by us. 

The only problem was, the children were away at summer camp, and we would have to wait for her to return.  Time was passing slowly as we waited for her response.

I held my breath as the phone rang twice.   Then I could hear the smile in Miss K’s voice as she simply said, “Hello” in her charming Russian accent.

She didn’t waste any time telling me that our child had spent some time with her sister over the weekend and both of them said “Yes!”  We chatted for a few more minutes, and then we hung up, knowing we would be seeing a lot more of each other in the next year.  I turned to Ashley and started crying.

“She said YES!” I whispered.  We just sat there with our arms twisted around each other as tears fell quickly from both our cheeks.  Our precious child was 12 years old at the time, and has the right to accept or decline the adoption.  I knew in my heart she enjoyed her stay, but that isn't the same as accepting an invitation to join a family forever.  

“I knew it!” Ashley said, through the biggest smile. 

First things first, we had to decide how we were going to tell the boys.  That took about 10 seconds.  We quickly turned the car around and headed for Barnes and Noble.  We headed straight to the travel section.  There was a pocket sized Russian dictionary.  That would do just fine for our surprise!

We paid for the book, headed to the car, and in her prettiest handwriting, Ashley began to write a message to the boys on sticky notes.  She wrote the words…

“She”
“Said”
“Yes!”

… on three separate sticky notes.  She randomly placed the notes throughout the dictionary.

When the boys read them, their responses were just as emotional as ours. There was a moment of disbelief, and almost instantly, came that moment when joy hits your heart and comes out your eyes!

That was one of those days… a day I won’t forget.

Did you say teenager?!?

Today, I woke up to a message from my daughter’s… sister! That’s an odd statement! What does this make her to me? Seems logical that she would also be my daughter – but she isn’t. She feels more like a little sister. I’m pretty sure she would like that, so for now, that is what I will call her… my “Russian Sister.”

She wrote… “Shannon! Я поздравляю Вас с рождением ребенка!)))))))”
Which means... “Shannon! I congratulate you on a birth of the child!)))))))”

What exactly were Chad and I doing 13 years ago? Friday, December 5, 1997. We would have been dating just over a year, and finishing up finals in our freshmen year of college. That would be the first time (and the last) I got a C in a class. Chad was an hour away at school. We were young and foolish!

Little did I know, that a beautiful baby girl was being born on the other side of the world. A cute little stinker from the pictures my “Russian Sister” has shared with me! I can’t wait for the day that I can share those precious pictures with you, my friends!

I can barely think the thought without the verse naturally flooding my mind…

“What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived
- the things God has prepared for those who love him.”
1Corinthians 2:9

My little 19 year old self had no idea what plans God had in store for our lives, but I know one thing for sure. He knew.

Thirteen years ago, on the other side of the ocean, my brown-eyed daughter was being born to a mother that wouldn’t have enough time with her. And all these years later, I am honored and humbled that that precious baby girl would purposefully choose us to walk by her side, to guide her through her teenage years and adore her through adulthood. What a journey it will be!

I have no doubt, thirteen years from now, I will laugh at my innocence… cry over memories... and whisper a prayer of love and thanks to her birth mother. The mother I won’t meet on this side of Heaven, but love anyways. And always… I will trust in His plan and praise His Holy Name.

The Big Box...

Two nights in a row, Ashley has woken up in tears.  She slipped into our room whispering that we have to hurry and bring her big sister home.  Part of her heartache is in knowing that we won’t get to have her sister by our side during Christmas, but the other part is that the waiting seems like eternity to an 8-old-year (and her mama)… literally time seems to have stopped and dates are nothing but markers of what we’ve missed.  

When I was little, it was practically tradition for us to lie to our family is Chicago and say we wouldn’t be able to come visit for Christmas.  Then, on Christmas Eve we’d load into the minivan and drive through the night to surprise my beloved Grandparents.  One year, we simply rang their doorbell and their we stood.  Once, we just walked into their kitchen for breakfast like nothing was going on.  Another year, my little brother and sister got in a big box and my Auntie Jan and Uncle Mike had to push the box into their livingroom.  Then my Grandma and Grandpa opened it… just to have the little ones jump up and yell “Surprise!”  Family is priceless… but at this time of year we need a bigger word… family is everything. 

I don't know how to stop Ashley's tears, and I know that her darling big sister isn’t a toy to wrap up and hide under the tree… but how I wish my parents would just lie to me and say she can’t be here just yet… and then… on Christmas morning there could be a big box that they would have to push into the livingroom.

Our day is coming, when our family will be all together again.  Until then, I will trust in God’s loving plan for all of our lives. 

"Love and faithfulness meet together;
   righteousness and peace kiss each other.
Faithfulness springs forth from the earth,
   and righteousness looks down from heaven."
                                                  Psalm 85:10-11

Will You Be My Sister?

Just for fun, I thought I would share the letters that Lukas and Ashley’s wrote to their big sister.  I was told that she shed tears of joy as she shared them.

and...

Her big sister wrote me to say: Она показала мне письмо Эшли. Очень красивое. Эшли молодец.   Which means: She has shown me the letter of Eshli. Very beautiful. Eshli the good fellow.

What a laugh!

The Infamous Lunch Date...

A lifelong girlfriend of mine asked me to lunch and we had a wonderful time catching up.  Then as we were saying our goodbyes, she just happened to mention that she going to be hosting a Russian orphan for a week in July.  Still to this day, I don’t know why, but my heart jumped and I blurted out that I wanted to do it too! 

According to the dates she told me, I’d be in Arizona on a Misison Trip with my high schoolers for the first half of the orphan’s stay; however, I thought that at the very least I could lend a hand at some of the outings during the last half.  She promised to get my name to the guy in charge. 

I chatted with the hosting agency and was told the actual dates… and as it turns out I would be home from Arizona for a full three days before the orphans arrived.  In a matter of days, I collected the required letters of recommendation and other forms and we set up a time to meet.  Before I knew it, the week the kids were coming was here.  The host families gathered at the agency to find out who we would be hosting… and get the fear of God put in us! 

    … The kids wouldn’t speak English. 
    … They would probably throw up in our cars.
    … They would raid our fridges. 
    And…  The agency had planned more outings for that week then I do in a year!

But, something in me still shouted… “Um… sure, I’m still in!”

Then… they handed us our folders.  I opened mine. 

There she was… my daughter.

She had brown eyes and brown hair.  She had an adorable little smile that suggested she might steal my heart.  That should have been a warning! 

The meeting went on, but all I could think about was Thursday getting here fast so we could meet her!

And it did… before we knew it we were off to the airport to meet the nine little Russian orphans that would be enjoying Colorado for the next seven days. 

She stood out.  Mainly because she was the tallest, but it was her eyes that caught my attention.  The little girl in the picture stood eye to eye with me and rambled on a mile in a minute in Russian that sounded like made up words.  She was definitely in charge.

Suddenly, I was nervous.  I felt the need to impress her and be some sort of perfect model of what a mom was supposed to be... that lasted all the way home... 

She carried one small duffle bag and a black purse.  They introduced her to us, Ashley handed her a pink and black stuffed animal, and she motioned to leave.  Just like that, she was ready to walk away with complete strangers. Well, ok, then.  We were on our way.  

I would ask her questions and she would look at me like an alien.  My confidence was shaking.   

She looked pretty sure of herself, but that slowly faded as we drove the hour it took to get home.  It didn’t help that it poured rain and the clouds above our head were swirling slowly.  Before we knew it, we were home.  She looked unsure, but she followed Ashley up to her room and they pulled out nail polish within seconds.  Girls being girls, they were busy giggling and painting nails for the next hour.  Language barriers and 5 years of age difference didn’t matter.  They were girls and there was work to be done… on their toes.
 

 This was my first picture:
Ashley is staring up at her with admiration.  She is smiling at me with pride. 

When the girls were done with their impromptu salon, I asked her if she wanted to see the dogs.  She understood the word “dog” and excitedly shook her head “yes.”  I slowly let them in, and they were their usual excited selves.  They licked her face and had her rolling over and over, side to side, laughing hysterically.  By this point, I felt confident that she would be just fine throughout the week. 

And she was…

Other Plans...

God told Abraham that he would be the Father of many nations. 
                Abraham is.

God told Sarah she would be a mother… at 90.
                She was.

God told Mary she would give birth to the Messiah of the world.
                She did.

When God says something – He pretty much means it.  When He repeats it, or uses the word “therefore” - you better listen up because He’s not playing games. “Therefore” usually precedes an instruction.   And my experience with listening to instruction has shown me that He’s not going to let me sleep until I start to listen… and act. 

The dirty truth… I’m a great listener… but I’m kind of lazy.  So, when He says “do this” I tend to wait for clarity… several times.   Then, when I can’t sleepwalk through another day, I usually give in and move to action. 

Here’s the LONG story on what He’s been up to…

2000 – Lukas was born… adorable baby #1.

2002 – Ashley was born… adorable baby #2.

2003 – As Chad’s humvee drives through Iraq, he spots a little girl that stole his heart.  He decided that one day he would do something to make a difference for a little girl like her… a little girl whose world was being destroyed day by day. 

2006, 2007, 2008, 2009 – Tried to have another baby…

2009 – Finally figured it out!  Adorable baby #3 was on the way!               
         … 3 months later… she realized that Heaven was much better than Earth and headed back.
               
Once it was safe to talk about growing our family again, Chad and I decided that we would like to try again, but knowing how long it took (and the fact that I’m not getting any younger), we decided that we would give it one year.  If we weren’t pregnant by September of 2010, we would start to look into adoption.

During the year, my high school small group focused our hearts and minds on an organization called Invisible Children.  The footage we watched and stories we read just broke our hearts.  That’s when the whispers started.   I couldn’t find peace with the fact that these precious little children were wandering the streets alone all day, searching for a safe spot to sleep at night, and hiding from adults that should have been protecting them… but instead kidnapped them and forced them to kill.  It’s wrong.  Everything about Joseph Koney and the Child Soldiers in Uganda is wrong.  I wanted to rush over there and adopt as many little African babies as they would let me.  Just let me protect them.  Allow me to love them.... but do it later… “because right now I’m trying to follow MY plan.”

The whispers were beginning to stir in my heart over the year, but I would never have imagined the plan God had prepared for our family.  I was sure that when the year was up, I would either be holding a baby or heading to Uganda.

But God had other plans, doesn’t He always???

Does She Hear Me Whisper?

Adoption is an emotional journey.  

I feel like time is passing in slow motion.  There is a persistent tugging at my heart.

Somewhere in Saint Petersburg, my little girl is wrapped up in a blanket, sitting down on her bed, inside her orphanage, looking at pictures of our precious week together… and wondering.  

The day she left, I gave her a photo album that held 200 pictures.  There weren’t enough sleeves and she had to wrap the extra pictures in a rubber band.  She kept teasing me because I wouldn’t let her look at them in front of me.  I couldn’t stand to look at our perfect moments frozen in time from our story tale week together… knowing that I had to drive her to the airport in less than an hour.

I told her she would have to wait until she was on the plane to see which ones I had selected.  Amidst all the packing and repacking of the nine little orphans’ bags, the one with the photo album never left her protective hands. 

As my beloved little girl turns the pages, is she wondering what is taking me so long to come get her?

Could it be that maybe her eyes fill up with tears and her heart skips a beat as she remembers each special moment we shared?  I replay the moment when I looked over and saw her and Ashley holding hands at the Candlelight.  I laugh to myself at the memory of her sneaking into my bed the last night and starting a family pillow fight.  I can still hear her innocent, 12-year-old voice cry out, “I dead!” as she falls backwards on my bed!  And still, I cry every time I look in my rearview mirror and remember her concerned eyes as we drove back to the airport.  My heart is stuck in July, but my body is moving through October. 

Maybe she is wondering what it’s going to be like when she walks away from everything she’s ever known.  It’s not right for her to live in an orphanage, laying her head down each night and falling asleep alone.  It’s not right, but it’s normal… at least to her.  No one telling her that she is fearfully and wonderfully made.  No one affirming her beauty and worth.  No one is telling her their favorite thing about her.  No one telling her that they love her.  Does she hear me whisper it each night?

It’s normal for me to talk to moms that wonder what their teenage girls are thinking... but I’ve never been the one on this side of the questions.  I can't help but wonder... what is my little girl thinking tonight?